Good fortune shines upon me in one way. I had a very good friend, really, he was my mentor in eretz yisroel. He was the "older bachur" who had patience with me and helped me understand the gemara. He was very charismatic and everyone liked him. His name was Avi. I was honored and proud that he took the time to learn with me and help me. Turns out, by some strange coincidence, that he ended up in the same small yeshiva as I did, when he came back from eretz yisroel. Little did I know, and it would take years for me to grasp that he also had a handsome selection of little and bit demons that were eating at his heart from the inside. I was still naive, holding out, not knowing what could possibly be wrong and knowing that this was the only right way and that I would hold on no matter what, not because I wanted to necessarily but because it was the only thing I knew and because I knew that it was the only thing that was right.
One night, after night seder, he walked over to me. He had some Tony Robins tapes and he wanted me to listen. He had found Tony to be very inspiring. I told him refused him. I knew that Tony wasn't Jewish and wasn't coming from a Torah perspective. I knew that my ears and mind were holy from all the Torah I had been learning. I wouldn't want to contaminate all that I had accomplished. My words were "I'm not ready" I knew that I needed something. I knew that Avi wanted to help me. I also knew that if Avi could listen, and he was a big learner, perhaps it could be good for me. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.